Shel’s blog

At the drive in watching "This Is It"
-Michelle-

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-Michelle-

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Sometimes, when I watch my son, it's like looking into a mirror of my past.  He is very withdrawn at times, very solitary.  It make me sad to see it in him.  I don't want him to feel the way I did as a kid.  I thought we were doing things right, or at least differently than my parents.  When I was his age I was already on my third or fourth elementary school.  It's hard for a kid that young to have to make new friends every year.  But we still live in the same house, in the same neighborhood with the same kids as we did when he started kindergarten.  He is at a new school this year, but with a lot of the same kids he knows already.  So why does he seem so alone?  Why am I alone?

Maybe it wasn't all the moving, after all.  I had kind of blamed my attitude on switching schools so often and leaving friends behind.  But that wouldn't explain the way I feel now.  I'm an adult and don't have that problem anymore.  So, what's my problem?  What have I passed on to my son?  Is he just picking up on my behavior, or is it in us?  He is too sweet a boy to keep it all in.  I have to find a way to help him, before he ends up old and bitter like his mom.

-Michelle-

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-Michelle-

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When is the best time of your life?

I keep telling my kids that it is now: when they are in school.  No bills, no politics, no worries. 

But is that true?

When is the best time to be alive?

Because, it seems that, no time in my life so far has been the best time.

When should I be expecting it? 

Did it already pass, and I missed it?

Why on Earth, should I be so unhappy when an outsider would say "What should she be sad about?  Looks to me like she has everything she needs."

What is wrong with me? 

Dim sum and tapas all in one day. Mmmmmmmm
-Michelle-

So my sister called me up yesterday afternoon and asks "Are you doing anything tomorrow night?"

"Um, no." I answer

"Wanna go see Green Day?"

I stutter a bit and answer yes.

I call my husband to tell him, thinking he'll be all excited for me. 

"Mel wants to take me to Green Day." I tell him.

"Cool, tonight?" he asks

"No, tomorrow night."

"Oh.  Uh, yeah, that's fine."

I got rather irritated at that, although I didn't say anything to him.  I was sure he didn't mean anything by it, but sometimes he says things that make me feel like he's living in the early 60's. As if I need to ask permission to do things. 

Well, Mel is on her way over so we can go to the show.  Kris just left to grab a quick drink before Mel and I head out.  You see, a buddy of ours just came back from Iraq.  He's in town this weekend, not sure how long, and Kris was planning on hanging out with him tonight.  So when I told him I was going to the show, it kind of put a wrench in the plans he had made with John.  Now, if it was any other friend, someone who wasn't coming back from the "bad lands", it would be different.  But Kris is sacrificing spending time with John, so that I can go out with my sister.

I do not give my husband nearly enough credit for being the good guy that he is.  Sometimes I need to not be such a bitch.

"yeah, that's fine" ? You're dam right it's fine! I wasn't asking your permission!
-Michelle-

So he says 'fix it or shut up' but quiting is not an option.
-Michelle-